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CONVERSION ESSAY QUESTIONS

1. Describe the factors which have drawn you to Judaism.



My early years as a child involved no religious training, only moral and ethical values (which ARE actually ‘religious’). Then in my early teen years a friend introduced me to the Christian religion. Over the next 20+ years I embraced the theology of this faith without question. Then my life went through extreme crisis of divorce and child drug involvement and all the ‘perfect and goodness’ of family life fell apart. I was shocked to find all but one friend began to shun me and speak to me as though some dreadful ‘sin’ on my part had led to my ‘Godly punishment’. There was no encouragement and absolutely no room for ‘such actions’ in a good Christian home. Somehow I must have failed. This left me feeling empty and I fell away from all religion for several years.



Then as my life situation continued to spiral downward, I had no where to turn, I began to search scriptures diligently. All during my years in the church I had never really ventured into what they termed the Old Testament. Now I found myself drawn to these writings in a new way. Every year I would find another translation to read and go through a year’s cycle of rereading this ‘old’ scripture. The more I read the more I came to see the error of much I had previously been taught. My first eye-opener was the second commandment, ‘have no other gods before Me’. It was a ‘wow’ moment…for I had been taught that Jesus ‘was’ God…and how could that be? It would contradict what God Himself had commanded! Then the fourth commandment became a very strong issue. Why did we now make the 1st day more holy than the 7th day as God commanded?

So I approached a former pastor and asked about these obvious contradictions to God’s Word. I was told this is the way people like it. And it really didn’t matter, it was more a matter of heart anyway. For me, this admission that he ‘knew truth’ and felt it ‘unimportant’ to teach it, left me shaking my head at the lies that I and so many others had spoken unintentionally—while some knew truth and withheld it from us.



Some time later I met a couple of people who encouraged me to come to their small gathering and study Torah. They introduced me to the Chumash and sage commentaries and the Sabbath and feast days. I began to uncover ‘jewels’ of Torah I had never known before. I became so thrilled with the Word and finally God seemed ‘near’ to me. So over the next 9 years I met with this small community and kept Shabbat and feast days and studied Torah.



Then in 2004 I made my first trip to Israel on a ‘work trip’ to help in renovating a house in Tiberias. I could not breathe in enough of the air. In 2007 as I was considering where God would have me build my succah for Sukkot, I suddenly knew I was to go to Israel. I wasn’t sure why, but I rented an apartment in Jerusalem and spent the days from Yom Kippur to after Sukkot in the city. I build a succah on my balcony. I stayed overnight in the Negev. I sat quietly at the Western Wall. And I knew that this was where God’s Presence resided. I met and made a few friends in Israel. Then in May of 2008 again I just had to return. And I spent time in Afula and Yavniel and Tiberias Illit and Jerusalem. I rode the bus from Afula to Jerusalem and sat side by side with the IDF soldiers. I felt ‘at home’ and I was saddened at the day I had to leave. Here I finally was at peace in myself.



Also, during this time I had been trying to research my own lineage. Who was I? Where did my people come from? I found part of my search led me to Strausbourg Germany (1600-1700CE, Auman-Orman’s/Steed/ Naegel’s) and Champagne FR in the 1500’s (Michaux/Rochett), when family fled by night to Holland before immigrating to America (where we evidently intermarried with English and Native American heritage (Haughton/Godwin/Spencer/Comegys/Coats/Fenford/Green/Smith/Kinge/

Ratcliffe’s/Pilgreen/Weatherby’s/Avery). I still could not prove I was Jewish by blood. But my heart now knew it didn’t matter. I CHOOSE to be a Jew. I believe in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I desire to obey the commands given to all Israel at Mt Sinai. I look for the hope of the coming Messiah when the Temple will be rebuilt and all Jews will be regathered to the Promised Land of Israel. I am like Ruth, ‘your people shall be my people, where you go, I will go’. I finally have peace in what I believe. My journey for truth has led me to Israel and Judaism. My joy is Torah, my eyes are toward Jerusalem, my heart is JEWISH. I have found fellowship in my local synagogue and am bonding with them there in community. I find my rabbi (Rabbi Dror) to be a leader that seeks to know me and challenges me to learn more and also welcomes me, as do all the people at Temple. Though I travel a great deal and am away from home for weeks at a time, this conversion class has taught me so much and enabled me to come to a place where I feel ‘at one’ with the people as well as Adonai. And I look forward to the time’s when I am home and can join with Temple Rodef Shalom synagogue to be involved in their community events/outreach.





2. Which Jewish values do you find most appealing and persuasive?



Shabbat is my favorite value, ‘honoring the day Elohim set aside for us’. And it is no easy value to incorporate into your life. For all the world (except Israel) seems determined to make it as busy or busier than all the other days of the week. Even when you set out to ‘keep Shabbat’ it takes a long time before those about you come to ‘accept’ your decision, even when they don’t understand it. Now it is my time to totally REST and enjoy the day, No tackling of business, worries, chores. Stepping back from the chaos of the world. I look forward to every Friday evening. And it is my time to invite Adonai to be my guest.



Additionally, I love the belief that all Jews can study and that their understanding of Torah is not made to fit only in some ‘theology’ of man, but is one that is evolving and meant to be continually sought for new and deeper understanding. That at whatever level of spirituality you find yourself, you are accepted/welcomed by your fellow Jews, as part of their community. There is no judgmental attitude, only encouragement to continue in your walk with God. For we are forever learning all through life.

There are so many aspects of Judaism that appeal to me. It is not a life of ‘ritual restriction’ but I’ve found it to be one that has freed me through all the traditions and rituals to finally have a faith in God that is alive and affects my entire life—not just one hour once a week encounter.





3. How is Judaism more appropriate for you than your former religion or worldview?



My life has journeyed through many situations where I would seek comfort in my faith. My only comfort came from the words of the TORAH. The words and actions of Christianity did not address nor help me in walking through those moments. Rather, I felt often met with a harsh judging and separation. Always every situation was the result of some ‘sin’. I found this troubling and in error. For sometimes bad things happen to good people.



In Judaism, I’ve found my peace with this. Our faith is not and should not be founded on good/bad actions, but on the very essence of the One True God. Life is not without its chaos and unfairness. Sometimes we do ‘miss the mark’ and need to teshuvah. But sometimes we must walk through valleys not of our making and still be strong. It encourages me to know that God is always there and always ready to accept me whenever I ‘turn’ to Him and obey His commands to the fullest of my understanding. I have found a place now where God is revered and His Word respected, not casually cast about as man sees fit at the moment. No longer is His Word twisted to fit the agenda of a people, but it is thoughtfully studied and all aspects considered as a whole. And most importantly Judaism affects every day and moment of my life, not just a one hour-one day a week ‘religious’ moment. The very traditions and rituals of daily prayer, study, community interaction, deliberate actions of good to others, and Shabbat—these have brought my understanding of God into my life, my home, in a more intimate way. I have truly found ‘new life’ within the world of Judaism.



4. Describe your understanding of and relationship to God.



Previously I was taught to ‘speak’ some special prayer and believe in a ‘man/god diety’ for salvation and forever I would be ‘saved’ and secure. That no more would I ever experience the sinfulness of this world. That proved to be wrong! I never had peace, I continually questioned my salvation, and I certainly was not spared the evils of this world.



But I KNEW that there was a God. A Supreme Being that created all the wondrous things in our world, in humanity, in all their unique and intricacy.

I knew that there was ONE who knew exactly how all things fit together and how even our very bodies worked, because that Being had formed it. I also knew that I could not truly fathom or understand the vastness of such a God. For God is too big for my full understanding. But in TORAH I found truth. And a firm and secure peace when I read that I Adonai am your salvation, none other, And this Adonai is the Being that the patriarchs knew and obeyed. The very ONE that covenanted with His People Israel.

I’ve studied Torah and commentaries. I’ve read the mysteries of the mystics. And for the first time, I found that there was a Truth within these very teachings of the sages and Torah, that no longer contradicted the obvious or logical. They confirmed God, while acknowledging their quest to continually understand and obey the commands of God. I have found such a peace in myself, knowing that God desires to ‘hear’ my voice each day, and that His eye is on me. That I do not have to go through any ‘person’ to find intimacy with Him. YET, I now have a new respect in approaching God in a manner of purity and humility. Ritual and tradition gives me a way to approach Adonai, my Abba, in a way that pleases Him.



I was never comfortable trying to ‘bring about’ some emotional moment such other religions espouse. Now, He knows my mind, I try to know His. He moves within my heart and I can awaken to hear His Voice at moments He decides to come near to me. I find it difficult to explain, but I know Adonai Echad and I know He is the God of Israel.



5. How has your personal and home life changed because of Jewish tradition? How do you see your Jewish life progressing in the future?



I now spend my hours (since I’m retired) in study of Torah and the commentaries of great Jewish minds. (love to read and study) And whereas, religious study use to be a ‘have to’, now it is my joy. Shabbat has become a weekly ritual for me, whether in my home, or the home of friends. My life has been altered within the family relationships. My husband does not embrace Judaism and has said he wants no part of my faith, and I should move on. So perhaps the future holds other changes for me. But I am okay with that, if life leads in that direction. God is important to me. And I desire to obey Him and to finally build a home where one can enter and know that you are in a place that honors God. I have placed a mezzuzah on all the doors of my home. My children now grown, are accepting though not totally understanding of it all. But as I accept them where they are, they accept me, and even join in Shabbat with me at times. Some of my grandchildren find my faith intriguing and often ask me questions. So perhaps I can still have a positive affect on the lives of my children, grandchildren. I use to grieve because I taught my sons a way of life that I now cannot embrace, and wished I had known then the truth of Judaism. But one cannot go back, only forward. So I trust Adonai to guide them as He has me, to a place of peace in Adonai.



Shabbat is now a part of me. So I am currently trying to learn all the daily prayers and make them also a ritual of my life. I am learning Hebrew, and though very slow, I look forward to the day when I can join the others in my synagogue and recite the prayers in Hebrew (instead of just a few phrases). I have been building my Jewish library over the years, but now I have more of a focus. I know look for writings of those that will advance my understanding in Torah and Jewish life. And I’m looking forward to being active in the Sisterhood of my synagogue and broadening my scope of outreach to the community.





6. Describe your sense of identification with the Jewish people in relation to Israel, world Jewry, the local Jewish community and your synagogue.



It is amazing how I use to feel like the ‘foreigner’ and outside the world of Jewry. Today, I know I too am a Jew. When I go to Israel (as often as possible), I get an apartment and walk to the store and shop for food to prepare, and enter the Old City and talk with friends I’ve met there. I sometimes shop and converse in some Hebrew and get to know the people. I find joy in introducing myself to my neighbors and sharing our life stories.

Someday I hope to live in Israel. I love the quietness of a Negev morning. I must say the town of Tiberias overlooking the sea is intriguing (since I love to have a waterview), yet I am energized in the city of Jerusalem.



As for world Jewry, I feel I am now part of that encompassing phrase. I am a Jew no matter where I am.



Finally, in my own local community and synagogue, I am finding a new place to settle. A synagogue, with a people that are welcoming and exciting. We gather for lifecyle studies and get to interact on personal levels that help us forge relationships. I always enjoy the oneg after Shabbat, where we sit and fellowship of lunch and get acquainted with each other. I’ve met many of the Sisterhood and as soon as my conversion is complete, I plan to apply to join the synagogue and begin an active participation. Though retired, I know I have skills and talents that can be useful and become a help to the community.



7. What is your commitment to prayer, Shabbat and keeping kosher?



I have always prayed daily. Now I’m in process of learning the morning prayers, and evening prayers. Trying to learn the Hebrew, so the ritual will become as ingrained in my life as Shabbat. I now have learned some of the Shema and the arising prayer in Hebrew, which I say each morning. Now I’m trying to make the Shacharit a ‘ritual’ for me.

I keep Shabbat and light the Sabbath candles each Friday night and break bread and bless the wine. When I have friends over, it is quite an enhancement to the beginning of my day of rest. Sometimes, I celebrate the Shabbat at synagogue services, when I have no guests coming for dinner.

I desire to have a quiet home, with no tv, on Shabbat. Currently my husband does not follow that request, So in the future I hope to have a home that completely ‘rests’ in Shabbat. But whether I meet all that is required at this time, I have Shabbat in ‘me’ as best as I can. And I relish in the few moments of Friday night (which my husband does respect). I find a quiet place to get away on Shabbat and read and rest after attending Shabbat service at the synagogue and a lunch fellowship afterward. Sometimes the late afternoon is spent with close friends who also honor Shabbat.



I keep kosher in that I eat ‘kosher’ foods. I have not incorporated the full kashrut as followed by the Orthodox. Should I have a place in the future where that would be possible, I would like to set up a Kashrut kitchen. It is obviously much easier to follow kosher rules in Israel. But I find that for me, I agree with the need to eat only Kosher meat (though I eat very little meat myself), I also agree with the need to separate meat and dairy and hope to have such a kitchen separation in the future.





8. How do you plan to continue your Jewish study?
I have a new Hebrew Primer to begin as soon as I complete the conversion course, to assist me in learning to speak and read fluently. I also am slowly working through a course in ‘modern conversational Hebrew’ which is useful when in Israel. I attended some of the lifecycle courses at my synagogue this past year (while I was in town). I believe a new course is scheduled for the fall and I plan to attend weekly. And of course continual personal reading