BB

Essay for Conversion Candidacy
1. Describe the factors which have drawn you to Judaism.
The factors that drew me to Judaism developed over several years. I tried to figure exactly how many, but am not sure. Even prior to thinking of conversion my home had a serigraph of Miriam with a tambourine after crossing the Sea of Reeds, a print of the Jewish holidays, and, probably most importantly, many books on Jewish beliefs and history. My father was Jewish and there was some observance of some of the holidays (mainly Seders), events, and a small amount of discussion on Judaism. Judaism feels comfortable and compatible with my beliefs.
My Aunt always considered me Jewish and until fairly recently, I did not know that I was not. Aunt sent me a book called, The History of the Jews, and when I visited her we made matzo soup.
At least seven years ago, I started studying why there is hate in the world. This took me to many texts. Because of its long history, I began to focus on antisemetism and started studying the history of the Jews from in the present and worked back. My studies included Holocaust studies at Temple Beth El in Rockford, the Belfer program at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, and as part of the international summer seminar for teachers at Yad Vashem.
One cannot study a people, without looking at the basic beliefs and theology of the people being studied. Theologically, as I continued to study the spirituality and beliefs of the Jews, a cognitive disconnect developed between what I professed and what I believed.
2. Which Jewish values do you find most appealing and persuasive?
The Jewish values that I find most appealing are the values of living a life worth living with generosity and kindness. For my evening before bed study, I have been using Rabbi Telushkin’s book, The Book of Jewish Values. I seem to learn something more about life and relationship each time I read it. The value of Shabbat and that it is a day of rest and a gift from G-d. That life is to be enjoyed with beauty is quite different than life is to be endured for the glory of the afterlife.
3. How is Judaism more appropriate for you than your former religion?
The realization that my former spirituality and theology no longer fit my belief system was difficult to accept. Acceptance of this fact requires action to live honestly with oneself and G-d. Not believing in transubstantiation and that Jesus was the divine son of G-d ends true participation on my previous faith.
After years of study of various books, texts, discussion, it became apparent my values and beliefs feel/are Jewish. Judaism was the direction to which I was being drawn.
4. Describe your understanding of and relationship to God.
This is a very difficult question for me - the most difficult of these eight. I do not think of G-d as two men and a bird and have not for ages. The Supreme Being is a being without corporal body who loves all his creations totally even when things we do not understand why events that can happen happen. G-d gave humans the free will to choose him. G-d is more interested in ethical, loving lives than denominations.
My relationship is one of wanting to know more, of being drawn to understand G-d’s desires, and to try to live the life we are asked to do. My comfort and faith is in G-d. The hope and happiness for the world is in living the commandments and in relationship.
This is so incredibly difficult for me to explain. All life that we live is to be as a prayer. Our movements are to bring G-d into the world in the tangible ways that if G-d wanted and has shown that G-d can, but we are asked to.
My relationship has changed as I have changed and will continue to change as I change. No relationship stays the same. No relationship is truly stagnant.
5. How has your personal and home life changed because of Jewish tradition? How do you see your Jewish life progressing in the future?
I do not attend Mass nor practice any catholic specific requirements anymore.
I often think about what I have studied before speaking and when interacting with others. Instead of using examples from my previous faith during discussions, I look to my studies to garner ideas from them. I eat Kosher as closely as possible. I make mistakes and sometimes forget about a meat and milk if I am out with friends. This is getting better. I do light the candles on Friday. I am more likely to arrange to meet a friend to go out on Sunday. I attend Synagogue. My home is looking more Jewish.
On the spiritual side, I have as long as I can remember prayed during the day for big and little things. At the end of the day, I have done an examination of conscience for most of my adult life. There are differences, but they are more in feeling and awareness behind actions.
I am trying to learn Hebrew. It is slow, but I keep thinking about the tortoise and the hare.
In the future, I would like to be better at keeping Kosher. I would love to be able to attend the services and understand without needing the English. I will ask G-d to guide me to live a better Jewish life through study and prayer.
6. Describe your sense of identification with the Jewish people in relations to Israel, world Jewry, the local Jewish community and your synagogue.
Because of my family, I have always identified with the Jewish people. In Israel, I fear if all Jews cannot unite, there will always be trouble. Our lives are not to sit in judgment, but to live our lives in the law and love. There will always be Judaism, but if the current Israel is the final homeland, I do not know. I have some concerns because my cousin’s children and grand children live there. I would like to go for an extended stay after retirement.
The local Jewish community in Rockford is a great group of people. Before studying with Rabbis Ginsburg, I took the introduction to Judaism course at the reformed temple. The rabbi had trouble understanding why I would want to convert Conservative. For me, and I cannot speak for any one else and how they are called, Conservative Judaism had more substance, meaning, and depth.
7. What is your commitment to prayer, Shabbat and keeping kosher?
Prayer has always been my life blood. Everything is gift. Not always easy to say. Prayer is communication with G-d in a thoughtful consistent way. For years daily study, daily prayer and feel that prayer has been part of the rhythm life.
I will work to keeping Shabbat better. There is room for improvement. I light the candles and recite the prayers - not quite right yet. But Shabbat is important to me. I like the separation from the week of work and the day of rest. I have figured out how to make smaller challah loaves. The Havdalah is my favorite ceremony of the week though I am not sure why.
I am trying to keep Kosher. I do keep the separation of milk and meat and order from a kosher meat market. I plan to kashier my kitchen before Pasach. Everything is ready. I just need a few days to do the proper cleaning and to be able to wait the 24 hours. I think it is very important because it helps me remember to be thoughtful, that I “am” Jewish, and to keep Jewish values. I look at food differently. I think of the animals and their gift.
8. How do you plan to continue your Jewish study?
My daily study of the Tanakh and other texts will continue. I will continue to attend the activities . I have joined Hadassah.
My real hope is to be able to study at the Conservative Yeshiva in Jerusalem. While, I was studying at Yad Vashem, I attended services and some of the programs. It would be wonderful to go for a year, but I would be ecstatic to be able to attend the summer program.