CB

ESSAY FOR CONVERSION CANDIDACY





*1. Describe the factors which have drawn you to Judaism.

I have been drawn to Judaism by so many facets; it is hard to define them all. There is a core in me that has identified as Jewish for so many years, and I have practiced Judaism for so many years now that that it is one of the ways I identify myself, as well as part of who I feel I am (one of the reason I’m also so excited about the conversion process!). I love the part of belonging to Hashem and being committed to Hashem and having a direct connection to Hashem at all times, with no intermediary. I feel a draw to being a part of something, so far greater than myself and my time, yet so present at all times too, being a part of the Jewish people. I am drawn to the guidance and structure that Judaism offers, and the free will that we have to choose to honor and follow a covenant with Hashem. Raising my children with Jewish values and a sense of Jewish identity also strikes a chord deep within me. Belonging is another big piece of the puzzle, as my father and only sibling both observe and practice Orthodox Judaism, and my father’s entire side of the family is deeply rooted in their Jewish heritage and traditions; I am drawn to being a part of this family experience. Keeping and guarding Shabbat is also a facet of observance of Judaism that I love, the family and togetherness that Shabbat fosters, while keeping the role and blessings of Hashem in the forefront, has drawn me to Judaism. As time goes by, I continue to find facets of the faith and observance that draw me deeper into my beliefs and convictions that I am a Jew at heart, as my children may be also. Conversion will solidify these feelings and, I believe, allow me and the girls to continue our lives as observant and practicing Jews.



*2. Which Jewish values do you find most appealing and persuasive?

I have found that there are many core Jewish values which I find very appealing and persuasive, that reach me in the core. Most of which include the values and beliefs for how we treat others and how we relate to Hashem. For instance, I find very appealing the idea that all persons are inherently equal in our creation and that we are all inherently valuable. We all have divine aspects and that creates a form of human dignity is very important; as a practicing licensed clinical social worker and as a young woman rearing children, these are very important core values and basic Jewish ideas that I hold and I really find very appealing. The basic idea of free will, and the ability to exercise my will and choose to recognize and honor the Jewish covenant with Hashem, is also very appealing to me. For instance, realizing that I educate my children to have loving kindness towards others, I realize that they are developing and exercising their free will. Developmentally my girls will test boundaries and learn to define their own limits, but that I may educate them and help them to choose to live a righteous life, of showing loving kindness and respect to others (other Jewish values for how to treat others that I hold dear). Especially in our Christian dominated society, it is very important for me that my children understand that Hashem is God, who loves them and protects them but also commands them to follow the commandments as set forth for Jews and to live lives of decency and to treat others well. Along these lines, it is so critical for me that my children learn how dearly held is the one God that we believe in: Hashem is One. We pray directly to Hashem, Hashem is and will always be. This basic tenant of Jewish belief and core value of Judaism is so firmly held and offers me such a sense of relief and security in my live, that I hope too that I may pass on this core Jewish value to my children.



*3. How is Judaism more appropriate for you than your former religion or worldview/lifestyle?

I have identified myself as Jewish for over 10 years now. When I began to be aware of my own sense of spirituality and religious observance, since my late teens and early 20’s, I have checked the box as “Jewish” in any demographic poll. I have identified myself as Jewish, as recognized by Reform standards and patrilineal descent, since age 16 or 17 when I started college. At that time, I think that there was very little thought put into my religious affiliation, as I just needed a box to check. However, as I have done more exploration into my own beliefs and have deepened my understanding of my father’s heritage and the rituals and observance of my father’s side of the family, I have become more and more drawn to the Jewish faith.

I feel pulled to Judaism as if it is where I belong in the world; it’s hard to even put it into words. For instance, when my father took me to Israel when I finished college, I felt “at home.” People say that about Israel, but I never really understood it until I experienced it: like sleeping in your own bed after you’ve been on vacation in hotels for a month. After this trip, I really began to explore what I wanted from my self-proclaimed Jewish affiliation. I began attending, with more regularity, all of the extended family events over the Jewish holidays. I began reading the Torah. I began lighting candles on Friday nights and I began reading about Judaism. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn.

During this time of my own self exploration, my sister converted to Orthodox Judaism and married the son of an Orthodox Rabbi and had her first child. Watching her faith in her marriage and in her identity caused me to want to explore my own beliefs even further. I was drawn to the way in which my sister had a faith which not only guided her spiritual beliefs, but the routines of her life to include keeping Shabbat and raising her children in a Jewish home and giving them more of an experience and education that she and I were afforded. I loved the tradition, the belonging, the sense of purpose. So much so that when I married, my husband and I did agree to marry in a Jewish/interfaith ceremony (as he is of the Episcopal faith by upbringing) and to raise our children as Jewish children in a Jewish home.

As our own level of observance has grown and changed, it has become more and more important to me to instill upon our children the beliefs I hold and the belief in one God and in the ritual observances of Shabbat and the holidays that my children may gain a sense of their own culture and family traditions. The festivals, the synagogue affiliation, the Jewish education, all are areas of the Jewish faith that I now hold dear and hope to pass on to my girls.



4. Describe your understanding of and relationship to God.

Hashem is one. There is no other. Hashem has always been and will always be. I feel such security in these assertions, and also such responsibility, to hold this dear and to actively work to teach my children how blessed we are to know Hashem, to love Hashem and to obey Hashem. I find the belief in Jewish people, as the chosen people to honor and obey Hashem’s commandments as very vital. Still, I recognize that those who are not Jews need not follow the same commandments, as certain commandments are both the gifts and the burdens to the Jews. This is a gift from Hashem, to live as persons chosen to live a life of example and to both fear and love Hashem. I know that I can talk to Hashem, with no intermediary. When I seek guidance and direction, I have tradition, literature and rabbis that I may turn to and seek guidance, but Hashem remains accessible to me, to each of us.





*5. How has your personal and home life changed because of Jewish tradition? How do see your Jewish life progressing in the future?

When I began college I found that I became more involved with Jewish life, as I became involved with Hillel on campus and with my father’s extended family to participate in Jewish rituals and traditions, mainly the High Holidays and the festival holidays. However, as time went on, I began to become more interested in Jewish traditions such as keeping Shabbat and reading Torah. Over the past four years, since I have married and began creating a family with my spouse, our observance as a couple and as a family has increased, tenfold, as my husband and I are committed to raising our girls in a Jewish home, observing Jewish tradition and culture. Not only has this increased my own personal level of observance but it has helped me gain a sense of identity and unity as a group of people. In brining Jewish tradition into our homes on a daily basis, I have felt that our home has been rich and warm with peace and love. As trite as this sounds, here are two examples. For instance, keeping Shabbat, not only do we light candles, and say blessings over challah, but we create the opportunity for each of us to connect with Hashem. I really love how this time allows my eldest (almost three) to identify what she is thankful for and how Hashem has enriched her life as well. Another example is how my children both know to “blow kisses” to the mezuzah on their bedroom door (it’s at the lowest point of the third top of the door, but they still can’t reach it). It tickles me to no avail how my girls find such joy and pleasure in these daily activities of Jewish living. As for how our Jewish life will progress, I expect it to continue to grow, exponentially, as our children get older. For instance, we are currently attending Sunday school with our eldest, and after my conversion ceremony, I would like to sit on the planning committee of the synagogue religious school and work with the toddler classes to find more ways to bring Jewish tradition to the toddler level (the program is only two years old at our small synagogue and I’d really love to help and see it grow for our children and for others years down the road). I’m also currently a member of our synagogue’s fellowship, where we plan social activities for the shul, and we are always seeking ways for our congregation to bring Jewish traditions into weekly activities.





*6. Describe your sense of identification with the Jewish people in relation to Israel, world Jewry, the local Jewish community and your synagogue.

Identifying as a Jew, I feel that Israel is a homeland, for myself and my children. One of the reasons a conservative conversion was so important to me was so that my children and myself (and spouse included) would have Right of Return and recognition as Jews in Israel and around the world. While neither myself nor my children will be recognized by my sister and her extended family as Jews (as they are of the Orthodox persuasion), Conservative Judaism is recognized worldwide. Not only are my children and I welcome as Jews in our small synagogue in Leesburg FL, but we are also joining a group of Jews who both locally and nationally affiliate with Conservative Judaism. Conservative Judaism is also recognized and growing; there are Conservative Jews in Israel and in Diaspora worldwide. We are becoming a part of!



*7. What is your commitment to prayer, Shabbat and keeping kosher?

Regarding prayer, I have committed to attending services with my children and spouse, so that my children and I may continue to develop familiarity with prayer and using Hebrew prayers and understanding their translation. Right now, we pray to thank Hashem for our food, we thank Hashem each night before sleep (my eldest can say the entire prayer in Hebrew . . . I’m so proud) and we pray for Shabbat and as we light the candles we ask the girls what they would like to say to Hashem and what they would like to thank Hashem for. We also pray each Friday over the challah bread I bake. That leads to my commitment to keep Shabbat. Right now, at our current level of observance, we celebrate Shabbat each Friday night by kindling the lights together and saying prayers over the Shabbat candles. We then have a homemade meal with a real table cloth (as opposed to the vinyl we often use for easy clean up with the kids) and say blessings over the challah bread I bake on Fridays; the girls come home and they know its Shabbat just by the smell of the home, I love that I can do this for them. As for keeping kosher, we do not. My husband is not of the Jewish faith, and while he is committed to having a Jewish home and raise our children in the Jewish faith, he hold firm to cheeseburgers and pepperoni pizza. For the most part, he is very accepting about us not cooking pork products in the home and not offering them to our girls as food of choice, but for all my husband is doing, I do not push that matter at this time. Additionally, as my girls attend a private, non Jewish, daycare (as there are no Jewish day schools within an hour drive of our home), it is not feasible at this time to keep a kosher home. Who knows though, what the future will bring . . . as my father’s home and my sister’s homes are kosher, and the girls do know what that means, time will tell how this will develop and change in our own home and for our level of observance.



*8. How do you plan to continue your Jewish study?

The more I am learning, the more I learn that I still need to explore and study. As my eldest is now in Sunday School, I plan to study with her as her class meets each Sunday. I also plan to continue my readings of the Parsha of the week and the Jewish books that I find address issues of concern or questions for me, for instance I’m really going to be looking to explore what I may find on views of death and life after death and what happens at time of death according to various Jewish thoughts. I also plan to continue the study as our synagogue offers during adult education classes and as our Rabbi teaches new topics each week as they relate to the Parsha of the week. There is also a free online course that is currently being offered by the OU that my sister has told me about that I’d like to explore. So, there are many ways that I plan to continue to study; I hope it may continue to be a lifelong journey!